I will be honest in saying that due to what happened in our first pregnancy (see blog post 1), it took until the 20 week scan for us to actually believe we would be having a baby. We were both in denial until about this point and put ourselves off thinking about future plans, buying anything and thinking about what we may want birth to be like. For this reason, I can absolutely sympathise and understand those feelings for clients who are having a rainbow baby.
A bit of background about this pregnancy:
Our due date was 19.10.21. Due to our previous pregnancy (in blog 1), we had 3 private scans – 1 at 6 weeks, 1 at 8 weeks and one at 16 weeks (for gender reveal). I was working full-time but from home mostly, walked for about 40-60 mins daily (2 dogs), completed 3x Pilates/strength training each week until 30 weeks and then began swimming 1-2 per week from week 34 right up until 2 days before birth.
I had a straight forward pregnancy only experiencing the usual symptoms - all day nausea across weeks 5-16 and heartburn from week 25. There were a few occasions when baby felt like he was in a transverse lying position and I had Pelvic Girdle Pain from week 31 (I will do a future blog on this). Luckily, I had no medical issues except for a low-lying placenta which was detected at my 20 week scan.
Due to this we were prepared from this point that there was an increased likelihood I would need to have a caesarean birth. Much to my disappointment … if you read the beginning of blog 1, you will remember I say that one of the things I knew right from day 1 of trying for a baby, was that I didn’t want a caesarean.
There are a couple of reasons for this. On a personal level, prior to getting pregnant the first time, my reasons were largely around feeling scared of having, what would be, my first operation and also worries about the recovery involved. Then after experiencing pregnancy loss and surgical management of miscarriage via in theatre, I knew more than ever that for this pregnancy, a caesarean would not feel positive for me. Let me explain …
… in my first blog I wrote about dissociation and that experience feeling like it was happening to someone else. So, the thought of feeling in a dissociative state on the birth of our baby felt scary and far from ideal for boosting the hormones needed to establish breastfeeding and aid a smoother post-partum recovery. The other thought about a caesarean was the environment that it takes place within … a hospital theatre. For me, my last memory of an operation and being in theatre was pregnancy loss and therefore it felt uncomfortable to consider that this viable pregnancy at 20-weeks, may end in the same environment that my first pregnancy ended abruptly.
I knew the type of birth I wanted but I didn’t want to feel like I was “setting myself up to fail”. So, every time my midwife asked me about making a birth plan, I refused to consider one until after the 32 week scan - I must have been that annoying patient for her! In the meantime, I knew that I would need to understand the risks around having a low-lying placenta to be able to weigh up my decision making for labour & birth. This is why I started an online hypnobirthing course at around 30/31 weeks. I chose to do an online one due to there still being panic about covid and there being a lack of courses running. Plus, my husband was very sceptical about hypnobirthing and wasn’t wanting to skip out the house for a few evenings to attend a group - so, that settled it! As I navigated the course, I began to start thinking about what my ideal birth would be and without knowing it, I was actually already using one of the hypnobirthing techniques as I started visualising the environment laid out (I did also keep in mind for ‘what if’ I had a c-sec).
Getting good news
We had an additional scan at 32 weeks and the placenta had moved so I was given the all clear that I could proceed with my plan for a vaginal delivery.
I visualised and planned for a birth at the midwifery led unit in a pool. This involved low lighting, fairy lights, essential oils, my favourite food, with the least amount of intervention and only the people I felt I needed to be in the room. It was a conscious decision for me not to use pain relief because previously, I have not been great on medication and wanted to reduce the chances of me feeling or being sick/dizzy. I wanted to avoid induction and caesarean too but did have a line in my birth plan that said, I would ask for what I needed and if I really felt in discomfort, I may ask for pain relief.
The last few weeks
From around this point I developed pelvic girdle pain/sciatica which became progressively worse at around week 35/36. I was unable to walk properly/get out the car without pain. I had some acupuncture to treat this (Helen Oaten Acupuncture if you’re local to Taunton) which worked wonders - worth mentioning that I was a true sceptic about this at the time!
I finished work at 35 weeks with 2 weeks annual leave before beginning maternity leave 2 weeks before due date. I used this time to my absolute advantage and to really boost the hormones needed for birth. I swam 3 times a week (up until 2 days before birth), continued with light yoga, walked everyday, ate lots of lovely food, saw friends, slept and prepared our little boys’ clothes/nursery.
I started perineal massage (to reduce chances of tearing) from 36 weeks 2-3 times a week and attempted colostrum harvesting from week 38 (in case I went into labour early and my milk was slow in coming in) but it wasn’t successful for me. I was sent for a presentation scan at week 37 due to concerns baby was possibly breech but he wasn’t.
After refusing sweeps and induction booking requests from 39 weeks, 40 weeks came and went and I had the attitude that, “my little boy would come when he is ready” (affirmation). Due to what hypnobirthing had taught me, I was calm and not fussed about “going overdue”, I saw it as me needing a bit more time to myself before becoming a mummy. The only thing I had been bothered about the whole pregnancy was him being born on Halloween! I trusted the acupuncture so much that I also signed up to it for a natural induction of labour treatment once I had gone over 40 weeks. I was booked in for medical induction (trust policy) on the morning of Halloween (noooo) 31.10.21 (41+5) with a view to seeing how things went. I had everything packed and got last minute supplies with the potential of induction in mind (prosecco for after ;)
However, during the early hours of 31.10.21, I had felt some changes occur in my body (cramps started, low feeling in pelvis and some of my show came away). I decided to give it another 24 hours and called the hospital to cancel the induction. They wanted me to come in later that afternoon for CTG monitoring - went in and all was fine, it was agreed we could leave provided we return in the AM for a second induction appointment - 01.11.21.
I was becoming resigned to the fact that I would ‘have’ to have an induction as that magic 42-week ‘deadline’ was fast approaching. I mean, I’m not sure that my baby had a little calendar in there telling him he had been cooking for 42 weeks and now needed to arrive! I tried to ignore this knowing that my pregnancy had had no complications and baby wasn’t expected to be overly big. Something in my gut also said, just wait.
Yes, of course deep down I was feeling worried, a lot of the books say stuff like ‘your placenta packs up at 42 weeks, baby needs to be born’ / the longer you are pregnant for, the larger baby will be blah, blah, blah. But I knew the stats as that was what hypnobirthing had given me and therefore, I could make a decision on the basis of probability. Now, I am not a patient by nature person, I am a taurean for goodness sake but that intuition was strong for me. If you get it in your pregnancy, labour or birth – try to trust it whether that’s waiting or perhaps choosing to opt for something like a caesarean over induction if this is your situation.
Labour
The dogs just knew something was happening ... 31.10.21 at 11.20pm my waters broke at home with a gush just like you see on TV (was not expecting this!) and my contractions started at home. Wow, maybe, just maybe, baby did have a little calendar in there and he received a little memo that this was D-day! He didn’t want an induction just as much as I didn’t!
We called the hospital and were asked to come in so they could check it was my waters that had gone (I mean, whatever … not sure it could be disputed when there was a practical waterfall … 😉). I’m not going to lie, that journey to the hospital was not a happy one – with every speed hump or red light there was impatience! But I used my breathing and focused on just getting to the hospital.
By 12.30am 01.11.21 we were on triage, my waters had indeed gone and I was rigged up to CTG monitoring laid flat on a bed – another thing I did not want as I knew the importance of upright, forward and open positions for labour. Due to my waters breaking, the midwife was reluctant to do a VE (vaginal examination) on arrival and I was in agreement as wanted to steer clear of checks (I knew this may mess with my mind if later on, progress was deemed to be slow). So, CTG monitoring was the recommendation from the midwife to enable her to keep tabs on my contractions and baby’s heart rate.
However, although I was using my breathing, time went on and my husbands’ attempts at advocating my birth plan to go to the midwifery led birthing unit fell on deaf ears. I felt I had no option but to very reluctantly ask for pain relief. Thinking back, I wasn't in a huge amount of pain, but I was struggling to remain calm and my body felt like it was going into shock with uncontrollable shaking. The environment wasn't conducive to remaining calm and we didn't feel heard. I was told that if I wanted pain relief, I would need to have a VE. Reluctantly I agreed to see if I could control the shaking and bring about my calm.
I had a VE at 5am on triage which found I was only 3cm. I found the midwife very unhelpful who said I was unable to have gas and air a) because it wasn’t available on triage and b) isn’t given until someone is at least 4cm at which point I could be transferred to labour ward. My husband and I again tried to advocate our wishes to be on the midwifery led birthing unit. It wasn’t heard - I was given codeine.
I continued to struggle with the pain and was getting frustrated that I was left on triage for what was now 7 hours since coming in. I asked for further pain relief. I was met with a response like ‘you can only have an epidural on triage and you probably aren’t far enough along, maybe save this option for when you really need it’. I was very against having an epidural from the beginning but I was so close to caving in due to the shaking I was experiencing. My husband was brilliant at reminding me why I didn’t want this pain relief and saying that I would probably regret having it - he really believed that I could do it without (as I had done beforehand). I reached a stage of thinking, "I can't do this" so asked for pethidine. I only wanted a half dose - I was worried about baby taking longer to be born, being born sleepy or this impacting feeding.
We continued to be held on triage until 8.30am as they couldn’t re-examine me any closer than 4 hours since the last one due to risk of infection and, in the midwife’s opinion, she felt I hadn’t progressed.
The birth
9.00am - we were finally moved but … to Labour ward and not the midwifery led birthing unit. I had a 2nd VE which found I was 10cm and ready to push! No wonder I was in so much discomfort and shaking - I now know that at the point at which I felt I could no longer do it and requested more pain relief, I was in the transitional stage of labour. We were moved to a pool room on labour ward. As I walked, I was closely followed by the midwife behind (in case baby fell out in corridor!). This was the first point I was offered gas and air. I used it a bit but mostly found it helpful to have the tube to bite down on during contractions. Not the most effective way to use it fyi, but it worked for me!
9.30am – The atmosphere changed, we felt heard, the environment was beautiful and what I have visualised. Plus, by pure chance, a pool was available! I got into the pool and instantly felt relaxed – the room was lit with gentle lighting, my birth playlist was on, I had snacks at the side of the pool, sips of water, I used my breathing techniques, and was in and out of sleep between contractions. It was like I could have been on holiday! This definitely goes to show that, had I have been admitted to the midwifery led birthing unit which was my birth plan and where I had visualised my birth taking place, I probably would have had a much more relaxed early labour phase. Baby quite possibly may have been born sooner too.
12.30pm - Unfortunately, things slowed down and I ended up needing to get out the pool and onto a bed. Baby had been in the birth canal for 3.5h and there were concerns that he would become distressed. The doctor set a timescale of 30 mins further pushing before he would intervene with via either an instrumental (forceps/ventouse) or caesarean birth. They began to put in a cannula to prep me for this, which I ripped out my hand, cue blood all over me and the floor whilst they capped it off (I must have known I wouldn’t need it). This was the first time I felt fearful in the whole experience because these were the parts I really wanted to avoid and I could hear lots of people entering the room with equipment. But, guided by my husband, I sealed my eyes shut continued with my birth breathing and kept
in my mind that I absolutely hadn’t come this far to end my birth in this way. My body took over and with the help of the doctor’s coached pushing (via my husband’s voice), our baby boy was born at 1.29pm (29 mins!) 41+6 at 9.1lbs to 'Your Song' Ellie Goulding!! It truly was mind over matter for me in those last 29 mins. I had a 2nd degree tear and couple of grazes so received some stitches but was absolutely fine.
My community midwife was on shift that morning and came in to see us and meet little man, we had the famous tea and toast and left the hospital at 9pm after health checks. The checks were on the post-natal ward next to the midwifery led birthing centre and even the midwife who saw us for these questioned why we never arrived at the unit - my name was on the door ready! Who knows why that didn't happen.
We were out on our first family dog walk by 4pm the next day - on what would have been 42 weeks!
This was not a textbook hypnobirth - it was my birth! Please note that some of the language used within this blog may not be aligned with how you would write about your birth and that is ok. I certainly did not plan to give birth in a laid down position with my legs in stirrups and having coached pushing but I was elated that I had avoided instrumental birth and caesarean. I think this really did come down to my belief that I could do it and my trust in my body that the birth that would happen, would be the right one for me.
Who knows if the acupuncture had a part to play in the arrival of our little boy but staying active, practicing breathing, pushing for the pool and creating my visualised environment, trusting instincts and my body, as well as holding my nerve helped me hugely. The environment you birth in and who you have around makes a huge difference to the way you feel about your birth thereafter. Although, parts of my birth story won't seem positive, I came away from it feeling elated, like bloody superwoman and like I was in control overall despite the unexpected parts. Because I feel like that, I can skim over the parts which weren't so great - my feelings are more important than what happened.
If you want to experience ways in which you can keep calm, get to grips with the knowledge in order to build confidence for your labour and birth and focus in on your feelings rather than the event itself, these are all parts of my hypnobirthing courses. A calm and confident approach going into labour sets you up for the unexpected if it arises and is why I believe in the practice so much - it is tried and tested with the added bonus of hypnosis which sadly, I realise now after training in this work, wasn’t covered very well within the online hypnobirthing course I took. I know, crazy right! This is why it is so so important to me that each week within the courses, we end on a hypnosis relaxation practice so it becomes clearer as to why it's integral to creating a calm mindset. That's right, tools and techniques, evidence backed information and hypnotherapy all rolled into one.
Follow me for more information, thanks for reading.
Kate x